First, he exists.
Second, he has whored himself and his shameless name to no end. Just ask the people who laid witness to any his World Series of Poker (WSOP) Main Event entrances in the last decade.
Third, he has made a complete and utter mockery of the game that has brought him to such Olympian heights in his own mind, belittling anyone to appease the brimming ego flowing out of his inflated head.
Fourth, he made Dancing with the Stars unwatchable for my mom. She has yet to miss a single season.
And just when you think Phil Hellmuth couldn’t get any worse, the rumors start to spread that he may be making the ESPN poker broadcast booth a bit more stuffy and pretentious. Matt Savage, tournament director extrodinaire, had some time to catch up with Phil at the L.A. Poker Classic Main Event over the weekend. The result is almost as startling as the Zapruder film.
While it’s merely speculation at this point, I’ve watched too much Hellmuth to not recognize that smug little and it smile meaning he’s content with himself and is patting himself on the back internally for his decisions. While I’m not a human lie detector, it doesn’t take much to cut through the man’s crap, and his passive remarks towards the Dancing with the Stars opportunity–which came to brutally real fruition–only help further solidify that televised poker as we know it is about to get a burning sensation that doesn’t go away. Sure, the potential is there for some witty banter between Norman Chad and Hellmuth, but I’m not willing to waste my time sifting through his arrogant piss to try and find diamonds in it.
First A.J. Benza leaves High Stakes Poker, then Gabe Kaplan, and now the only redeemable outlet for cards left on TV is shamed with the Hellmuth brand? Great, guess it’s just another “Qualifier Takes on Annoying Pros Sponsored Super Fun Happy Poker Hour!!!” show for me! I mean, televised WSOP poker has gotten me through the constant lulls in programming found sandwiched between the seas of canned sitcoms and mind-numbing reality television. I’ve spent many a sleepless night with ESPN as their all-in lullabies helped me drift off to bed. I’ve spent years watching some of the game’s best make plays beyond my means and have taken the knowledge and theory with me to evolve my own game…somewhat. At this point, I think I’ve taken all the broadcasts had left to offer, and will respectfully withdraw my loyalty, like a sailor jumping ship before it hits the Hellmuth iceberg. Good bye, ESPN WSOP coverage. Thanks for the memories~
