There was no worse form of merchandising for poker once Chris Moneymaker won the 2003 World Series of Poker (WSOP) than video games. They spread faster than the snail mail disease known to the world as AOL discs. In fact now, they are probably less valuable.
When people could easily download the poker software of their choice and within minutes be playing live people from across the world, game developers thought they could cash in by having you play, what else, a computer. Did I mention this computer would look like the pros you saw on TV? Cool! Time to put on my WSOP hat, t-shirt, and sunglasses, put my Milwaukee’s Best Light in my WSOP koozie, and sit in front of my Playstation 2 and take on Greg Raymer or Annie Duke. It’s like I’m actually playing for high stakes from the comfort of my couch! And if there’s one thing I love more than pretending to be playing pros, it’s being one. You could play other people online as your favorite player and rake in all those fake, meaningless, digital chips. I reraise you what shred of dignity I have left. I’m ALL-IN!
Howard Lederer seemed to be the official spokesperson for these DVD coasters, whoring himself out to the front covers of what seemed to be a dozen or so similar titles, each indistinguishable from the next. At the game’s core, a horrible mechanic, similar in every way, shape, and form to a poker bot. It played like it knew your hands because it did. Shove 8 high and it would call you with 9 high. Make a river bluff and it would call you down every single time. There was no point to even trying outside of jamming every hand and seeing how many in a row you could win.
What’s the worst part about this game? It’s a sequel. What’s even worse than that? Realizing somebody must have purchased the first title in order for them to make a sequel. Just imagine being the poor bastard getting this for Christmas when all the other kids were getting Halo 2 and Metal Gear Solid 3. At least with a stocking full of coal, you can light a fire and do something useful. Instead, you’re stuck with Howard’s gimmicky stoned-faced intensity starring back at you, his thank you for buying him a nice dinner with your parents’ purchase.
