In a word, horrible. Within a two episode span, High Stakes Poker Season 7 has had a falling from grace not since seen in a series after Francis Ford Coppola released The Godfather: Part III. While it was predictably going to be a bad show, nobody knew it was going to be this bad. There were a lot of things that came to mind while watching the second caboose of this train wreck derail off the mountain tracks, crack open on the jagged slopes, and the hazardous chemicals release into the small, humble village in the valley down below. Here were my top three.
1. These amateurs are horrible.
Robert Croak calls with a gutshot straight draw, sees a free turn, and the river gives him a backdoor flush whilst completing Phil Ruffin’s open-ender. If these names don’t sound familiar to you, it’s because they’re two amateurs: Croak is the inventor of SillyBandz and has fallen ass-backwards into hundreds of millions of dollars, while Ruffin is a certified Forbes billionaire and current owner of the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino.
So naturally, what happens between these two ? The guy with the jack-high straight makes a massive overbet, betting $50,000 into a $16,000 pot. What does the guy who called with nothing to hit runner runner something do? Folds his flush. Barry Greenstein helps put it in perspective for him once he announces his fold and puts the target on his chest: “It’s just another shipment of SillyBandz.”
And it’s not like their action is spread out amongst the table. It’s a murderer’s row of amateurish inability, as they’re seated in seats 5-7. Somebody forgot to tell the producers that poorly played large pots don’t equate to well-played ones. While we were treated to a $593,900 all-in pot between Antonio Esfandiari and Greenstein to close out the episode, it does little to pick the show up and dust it off.
2. David “Viffer” Peat is a disgusting looking human being.
I would rather stare at the face of an acid burn victim than be subjected to the weaselly sneering of Peat throughout another season of some other televised big game poker show. His looks of disbelief move across his face like a flabby flesh wave stemming from a tsunami of bad chromosomes. While yes, he’s a loose player and has found himself success in cash games and is apparently supposed to be this season’s catalyst for action in place of the Iveys and Dwans, his presences irks me dearly.
3. Norm MacDonald has brought his F game.
Picture MacDonald’s humor on the broadcasts as eating USDA unapproved meat: you’re basically getting a casing filled with pig testicles and horse hooves and some blood-saturated sawdust as filler. “We have the biggest pot of the season,” he says at the end of the episode. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that only two episodes have aired, but what do I know? There was also a part where it seemed like he was confused, mentioning how “the trap works” and that Peat was the “hapless victim in this one” after Bill Klein called Vanessa Selbst’s raise with kings to trap, and Peat getting the discounted price in the big blind called with 5-7, flopping J-5-5. Whether he is just uneducated or his humor is as dry as ginger ale, it’s easy to mistake his comments for one, the other, or both. His commentating seems forced, or as a user “Mike” of our boards posted, “sterile.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Tagged as David "Viffer" Peat, High Stakes Poker, Norm MacDonald, Season 7
Posted in High Stakes Poker, Poker Television, Pro Players | No Comments
Posted in High Stakes Poker, Poker Television, Pro Players | No Comments
Well, not cars plural–just one Jeep Cherokee in my driveway. OK, I lied again. I just slammed the door loudly after returning from Stop and Shop. Regardless, the news of Norm MacDonald replacing Gabe Kaplan is as egregious an error with directing as Marty McFly having two separate actresses play his girlfriend in Back to the Future and Back to the Future Part II, or why there was no explanation given as to how Cory Matthews didn’t notice a new sister sitting on his couch during the second season of Boy Meets World.
GSN announced on Monday that Saturday Night Live (SNL) alum Norm MacDonald would be relieving Gabe Kaplan of his announcing duties on the seventh season of High Stakes Poker. Growing up, I couldn’t get enough of Norm’s dry humor through SNL’s prime. Arguably some of the greatest years of the show were when he was a sketch actor and the host of “Weekend Update”, as there has been nobody since to fill his shoes at the divine levels. That was in the mid-90s. It’s now 2011, and his relevance has dwindled down to his annual 15 seconds of fame during ESPN’s World Series of Poker broadcasts. With Kaplan’s $855,658 in lifetime poker earnings, Norm adds about as much value to the show as a person getting their ticket number called to suit up and play because the home team’s quarterback tore his ACL.
I can’t help but think that in Gabe’s absence, the entire essence of the show will be lost. His poker knowledge, experience, and snappy wit and irreverence were holding the show together at the seams, in between big pots and even bigger players, bigger players of which aren’t even returning. While Norm will arrive with his own sense of humor, his on-air personality combined with what little knowledge he actually has of poker–outside of knowing that it’s not a good thing to consistently bust out on day one of the Main Event–will act as a catalyst to a severe drop in ratings. Remember where you read it.
The dissension caused in the token line-up of players will also help send the show off towards obscurity. There will be no Phil Ivey, Tom Dwan, Patrik Antonius, Ilari Sahamies, Eli Elezra, or Gus Hansen due to sponsorship conflicts. There will be no Gabe Kaplan to offer insight AND colorful commentary. Instead, we have Norm MacDonald, who’s commentary will be as colorful as a color blind person starring at a rainbow. Instead, we have Kara Scott, who will be “providing illuminating behind-the-scenes reports, revealing player interviews and expert poker analysis.” She did such a stellar job last season asking six questions an episode to two separate players to collect a paycheck. I can’t wait to have my viewing experience illuminated.
GSN also released the official player list, including a few names that earlier speculation had missed:
- Mike Baxter
- Eric Boneta
- Doyle Brunson
- Johnny Chan
- Robert Croak
- Jon Duhamel
- Antonio Esfandiari
- Phil Galfond
- Barry Greenstein
- Bill Klein
- Phil Laak
- Jason Mercier
- Julian Movsesian
- Daniel Negreanu
- David Peat
- Bill Perkins
- Andrew Robl
- Phil Ruffin
- Vanessa Selbst
- Bob Voulgaris
Who in the hell are the the random bolded people peppered on this list accomplished players?
“A total of six new amateurs will also participate: Robert Croak, the creator of SillyBandz; Bill Klein, a retired businessman and philanthropist; billionaire entrepreneur Phil Ruffin, who owns the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, as well as many other successful ventures; Julian Movsesian, a life insurance executive whose company specializes in serving high-end clients; Bill Perkins, president of a private equity and venture capital firm; and Erik Boneta, a watch dealer and wholesaler who specializes in Rolex watches.”
Oh, random local Vegas gazillionaires asked by GSN to participate in order to fuel the mindlessly reckless pots absent due to the fact that many of the brightest minds in the game will not be appearing this season. Hey, at least I can see these nobodies in 3D!?!?!?! Give me a break.
Truly, what has happened to High Stakes Poker? I mean what, were Gilbert Gottfried, Rob Schneider, or Paula Poundstound too busy? I like Norm MacDonald…when I watch my SNL reruns and on the Bob Saget roast. Kaplan has been a staple to poker coverage for decades, cementing his presence amongst the community. You take the woman out of the Mona Lisa painting and it’s just a stupid framing of mountains and roads. You take Kaplan out of High Stakes Poker and it’s just another stupid poker television show sponsored by a site trying to appeal to a more mainstream audience, in turn, segregating the people who appreciate why the show actually exists.
I guess if there is one plus to all of this, at least it’s not Ray Romano.
Tagged as Gabe Kaplan, High Stakes Poker, Norm MacDonald
Posted in High Stakes Poker, Poker News, Poker Pop Culture, Poker Television, Press Releases | 14 Comments
Posted in High Stakes Poker, Poker News, Poker Pop Culture, Poker Television, Press Releases | 14 Comments
The greatest addition to televised poker since the World Series of Poker broadcasts on ESPN, High Stakes Poker returns to GSN on February 26th at 8 p.m. Gabe Kaplan and Kara Scott reprise their roles as announcer and floor interviewer as the seventh season gets underway. Changes to this time include the show’s migration from the Golden Nugget to Bellagio, and…3-D? Wait, what?
Brunson had this to say on his Twitter account: “Off to play in ‘High Stakes Poker’ for the 2nd time in 3 days. They are filming it in 3-D. Should be interesting!”
That’s right folks–we will be seeing the premier of Avapoker. What the show stands to achieve by latching on to the coattails of this obnoxious new 3-D fad is beyond me. Woah, it feels like that suited ace-king is coming right off the screen!?!
Sadly though, it’s out with the old, in with the new, as this season will be void of the driving names behind most of the action. Phil Ivey, Tom “durrr” Dwan, Ilari Sahamies, Patrick Antonious, and Eli Elezra will all be maintaining their positions as company men, players of whom are all sponsored by a benefactor of which is a fierce competitor to the new sponsor of the show. Said sponsor recently purchased all of the archive footage of the show, essentially claiming the series as theirs, and in the process, chapped the britches of the stable that houses all the previously mentioned pros and made them keep all their studs in the barn. Pepsi doesn’t promote Coke, K-Mart doesn’t advertise Wal-Mart in their fliers, and now Ivey and Antonious don’t play on High Stakes Poker.
Regardless of their absence, there will be enough big names around to splash into what are sure to be an ocean of chips. The cast will feature token series gatekeepers Daniel Negreanu, Barry Greenstein, Doyle Brunson, and the good-for-TV duo of Antonio Esfandiari and Phil Laak. The freshly minted 2010 World Series of Poker champ Jonathan Duhamel will be arriving with a wheelbarrel full of cash freshly shoveled from his money pit. Andrew “good2cu” Robl, Jason Mercier, Phil “OMGClayAiken” Galfond, and David “Viffer” Peat will also be making repeat appearances, all players of whom are aggressive, fearless, and loaded.
Shortly after his participation, Robl posted to Twitter: “I’m not sure what I’m allowed to say about what happened, but on my day there were some monster sick pots. Should make for some real good TV.” So fear not loyal viewers, there will be some gambling in Ivey and Dwan’s absence.
Also reported for the season are Haralabos Voulgaris, Vanessa Selbst, and Scotty Nguyen. They have yet to be confirmed.
Still no this guy, though…
Tagged as 3-D, Andrew "good2cu" Robl, Antonio Esfandiari, Barry Greenstein, Daniel Negreanu, David “Viffer” Peat, Doyle Brunson, GSN, High Stakes Poker, Jason Mercier, Jonathan Duhamel, Phil Laak, Phil “OMGClayAiken” Galfond
Posted in General Posts, Poker News, Poker Pop Culture, Poker Television, Pro Players | 1 Comment
Posted in General Posts, Poker News, Poker Pop Culture, Poker Television, Pro Players | 1 Comment
With his million dollar runner-up finish recently at the $100k No-Limit Hold’em Super High Roller event at the Caribbean stop on the North American Poker Tour, the esteemed Daniel “Kid Poker” Negeanu has knocked Phil Ivey off his throne atop the all-time money winners spot…for now. While another big Ivey score is both inevitable and imminent with the fast approaching 2011 World Series of Poker (WSOP), Negreanu has once again in his illustrious career outshined his fellow peers.
The $1 million payday was his third largest cash to date, trailing behind his Five-Diamond World Poker Classic II and Borgata Poker Open WPT wins for $1,770,218 and $1,117,400, respectively. From the turn of the century ESPN broadcasts showing his mom making him lunch to his eventual $14,131,104 in tourney winnings he’s accumulated over his lifetime, Negreanu has come a long way.
The four-time bracelet winner and poker natural has made dents across all major tourney circuits not seen in size since cannonballs hit the USS Constitution, with deep finishes riddled throughout the WSOP, the WSOP Circuit, the World Poker Tour (WPT), and the European Poker Tour. He saw his banner year in 2004-2005 when he received not one but three Player of the Year accolades from the WSOP, Card Player Magazine, and WPT. With books, video games (it’s plural because only two people bought Stacked on the Xbox), and endorsements so far up his ass he’s breathing dollar bills, Kid Poker could live the rest of his life off of royalties alone. But his career hasn’t all been smiles and memories.
If I may piss on Negreanu’s parade here for just a moment, for a man who seems like he has won it all during his tenure on and off the felt, he has a severe Achilles’ heel: cash games. He is down close to $2 million dollars across the six seasons of High Stakes Poker, an astronomical amount considering he’s playing the game he built his empire on. If you waltzed on out of a cave and knew nothing about him, you would never be able to tell the difference between him playing and the producers giving a Vegas vagrant a $200k bankroll to squander. While cash tables are certainly a different mentality than tourney tables, the greats of the game are capable of sustaining themselves across the adversities of both. Albeit he still has millions of dollars to show, it is safe to assume that he has blown considerable amounts off the television cameras as well and that his chip stack hemorrhaging would be cause for concern if it weren’t somebody who wasn’t so well-received, well-endorsed, and the face of every product branded with the livelihood of poker.
All things considered when comparing Negreanu to the track record of the man he just recently inched passed, Ivey still sits higher on a grander scale, up tens of millions of dollars across all aspects of his play. But at the end of the end, and for the time being, Negreanu can toot his own horn as he rides the Tourney Express to Cashmoneyville.
Tagged as Card Player Magazine, Daniel Negreanu, High Stakes Poker, Kid Poker, NAPT, PCA, Phil Ivey, WPT, WSOP
Posted in General Posts, Live Tournaments, Poker News, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | No Comments
Posted in General Posts, Live Tournaments, Poker News, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | No Comments
Tom “durrr” Dwan and Barry Greenstein battle for a $548,700 pot, the second largest in High Stakes Poker History.
Tagged as Barry Greenstein, Cash Game, durrr, High Stakes Poker, Tom Dwan
Posted in Poker Pop Culture, Poker Videos, Pro Players | No Comments
Posted in Poker Pop Culture, Poker Videos, Pro Players | No Comments
Tagged as Daniel Negreanu, Erick Lindgren, High Stakes Poker
Posted in General Posts, Poker Pop Culture, Poker Videos, Pro Players | No Comments
Posted in General Posts, Poker Pop Culture, Poker Videos, Pro Players | No Comments
Second to Phil Ivey as the all-time money earner in poker, Daniel Negreanu is a certifiable tourney force. Chronicling his rise to greatness were ESPN cameras seemingly fused at his hip through the earlier part of the decade, eager observers to this happy-go-lucky Canadian who had fresh lunches prepared for him daily by his mom. It was during this time that he was silently anointed some sort of hold’em ambassador, his mug inescapable now as a result of the overexposure, plastered relentlessly on the late-night poker television broadcasts of today. After years of televised poker loyalty and two hours of watching him Sunday night, his voice makes me feel like there’s a parasite in my head eating away at a tumor on my brain. Daniel Negreanu needs to shut up.
Negreanu is essentially no better than that socially awkward person at a party that butts his way into a knitting circle and tries to fit in by rambling about what everyone already knows with authority while anxiously nodding like a bobblehead and chuckling at himself. It may be easier to perceive him as a small child desperately trying to join in to the conversation being held at the adult table at Christmas. No matter how you interpret his annoying persona, he wants attention, needs to be at the center of the atmosphere, and will stop at no cost of malignant jokes, his own laughter at said malignant jokes, and blatantly obvious observations about completely unnecessary things to get it.
I’ve actually grown to enjoy seeing him lose hundreds of thousands of dollars on High Stakes Poker because it seems to be the only thing that shuts him up, which is probably why I enjoy the show in general. Over the first five seasons alone, he lost over $1.7 million, which beats the next eight biggest losers combined. Including his season six losses, he has gone on to donate over $2 million back into the poker economy, keeping him almost bearable in the process and leaving me with less of an urge to stretch out duct tape. Sure, he’s earned $12,741,210 in his career across tourneys in the US and Europe, but losing 1/6 of that has to be demoralizing no matter who you are, as evidenced by how much quieter he gets by as taping progresses into the final episodes of the season.
He certainly isn’t an egomaniac, patting himself on the back with the inane ramblings of his own voice, a la Phil Hellmuth. I actually wish he was though, because at least his ceaseless commentary, high-pitched cackle, and his faux hipster attempts at humor would be something to laugh at.
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Tagged as Canada, Daniel Negreanu, Duct Tape, High Stakes Poker, Stacked
Posted in General, General Posts, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | 2 Comments
Posted in General, General Posts, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | 2 Comments
One of the most recognizable faces in poker–Gus Hansen.
Odds are if you were getting your feet wet with poker watching televised tourneys in 2004, you saw his mug plastered across your channels. Known for his often reckless style and aggressive nature, “The Great Dane” has had an illustrious tournament career, highlighted with being the first person to win three World Poker Tour events and his victory at the Aussie Millions. His live earnings equal $7,205,743, which is nothing short of breathtaking, placing him 21st on the all-time top money winners. Then there’s the cash games…
An action junkie by nature, Hansen is no stranger to riding the Variance Express down the Swing Coaster into Redville. The graph below dispels the myth that his aggressive style translates into anything more than a lack of discipline to the discerning eye when he’s frivolously tossing his money in the middle online. There’s a reason you’ll never find an empty seat at a table when Hansen is sitting at it. When high stakes cash is on the line, the rumors across the internet reign true: Gus Hansen is a goldfish in a shark’s tank.
Hansen’s play over the past three years rarely inches into the black for any extended period of time. Sitting down to the tables 15,553 times, he loses $391 every time he clicks an empty seat. The vast majority of Hansen’s losses occurred while playing pot-limit Omaha, of which at his career valley, accounted for over $5 million of his losses. The old adage reigns true: “If at first you don’t succeed, for the love of God, don’t spend$4,999,999 million dollars more.”
Gus Hansen=loser.
