Okay, so if any of you have seen the ‘Cool Stuff’ section of the Carbon website then you will know it is dismally pathetic. So in order to rectify this I am going to ask for your help. Over some time now I’ve been collecting poker jokes and quotes to help make this section worthy of its name, I would like for you to assist me by posting any poker jokes or quotes in reply to this post. Gambling jokes and quotes are also most welcome.
The person who posts the best joke or quote, will receive $25 into their player account. So make sure you post your player name along with your joke or quote.
Ill start off with one of my favorites…
Besides lovemaking and singing in the shower, there aren’t many human activities where there is a greater difference between a person’s self-delusional ability and actual ability than in poker.
– Steve Badget
Hey Hey, Ho Ho… It’s the1steve online for the very first time.. lol
All you players out there that want to call me a donkey, as an insult to my playing, I say this…
“Have your ever seen a donkey eat a fish”?
” Watch..”
“BEWARE THE DONKEY THAT EATS FISH”
“LOL”
the1steve
Im looking for a lady poker player, to date. All the ladies that I date haven’t been poker ladies. They all think I have a mistress on the side. It’s all I can do to not just tell them. Poker is my mistress, I will lie to go to her, I will steal (blinds) to stay with her, I love to spend as much time as I can playing her little games, and when she gives me a real bad beat? I look up at her, and think. “WHAT A BITCH” “I NEW I SHOULD OF STAYED WITH SHIELA” … “at least she would go the fridge and bring me that last beer in the fridge”. while I played poker. LOL
the1steve
This is my favorite saying. This is the quote for all poker nuts to have as their playing motto.
“Play by the Pirate’s Code.”
“Steal What U Can And Give Nothing Back”
the1steve
I kinda like this one lol –
The “Voice” of Poker:
There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says,
“Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
He ignores the voice. Later in the day, he hears the voice again.
“Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
Again, he ignores the voice. Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day.
“Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
He can’t take it anymore. He believes the voice. He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas. As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says,
“Go to the Horseshoe.”
He goes to The Horseshoe. The voice says,
“Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP) entry.”
He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP. He goes to his assigned tournament table. The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt Ace of Spades, Ace of Clubs. The voice says,
“Go all in.”
He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot. Three players call.
The dealer lays down the flop which is 8 of Hearts, 9 of Hearts, 10 of Hearts. The voice says,
“FUCK!.”
A man comes home from his weekly poker game late. His annoying wife is waiting for him. “Where the heck have you been?”
“Sorry, but I lost you in a poker game. You’ll have to leave.”
“How did you manage that, you fool?”
“It wasn’t easy. I had to fold a royal flush.”
heartstopper nick on carbonpoker:
A dog was wondering in the desert.He was all alone and he had been wondering for hours.At one moment he stops and he says:
“Damn you freakin desert.If in the next hours I am not going to find a tree….I am going to wet myself”
There once was joker, thought he’d try his luck at poker. What the joker didnt know is when the cards flow, anything can come, and you only win some. So the joker went back to his deck of cards and said, I think I’m getting to old, I remember when there WAS a joker in the game of poker. I think I need a new agent. I dont even get to kill batman, geez whats a joker to do?
“We stop playing poker because we get old, we get old because we stop playing.” Doyle Brunson
sadblueyes
quote- If It Wasn’t For Luck I Would Win.
“Sometimes you’ll miss a bet, sure, but it’s OK to miss a bet. Poker is an art form, of course, but sometimes you have to sacrifice art in favour of making a profit.” – Mike Caro
I was playing poker with tarot cards the other night. I got a full house and four people died.