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As if I didn’t have enough problems with this season of High Stakes Poker, Norm MacDonald goes and calls poker a sport. Oh no you didn’t! (Picture me now doing three snaps in a Z formation.) I’ve always scoffed at similar broadcasts condoning the same thing, as the morbidly obese degenerates on my television sets were in said to be in direct relation to the guy I see on Sunday running back a football 87 yards in 10 seconds. I laugh just thinking about it, really. So I ask you: Are poker players athletes?
In truth, there would probably be more validity to me calling myself an “athlete” because I played little league in 4th grade than a poker pro saying they’re part of a sport. You don’t see poker players doing wind sprints before they sit down to tournaments. The majority of your average cast of characters at a given table would probably have a heart attack just thinking of running to anything that wasn’t a buffet line opening up for afternoon service. They are some of the most fair-skinned, anemic, and rotund specimens mankind has to offer and embody everything throughout every facet of their lives that an athlete does not.
Let’s try and put things in perspective. For example, these guys are all athletes:
“Dear god…seriously?” would be a perfectly normal reaction to that lineup. Poker can make you sweat, increase your heart rate, and involves a fierce competitive spirit often seen in athletes who are physical specimens excelling at a sport which involves precision and power in motion. Do these similarities warrant announcers calling them athletes? Using your tubby forearms as showcased above (which, might I add, look like clear plastic bags filled with tapioca pudding that were given five fingers) to lift chips up and toss them into the pot doesn’t constitute athleticism, because by that reasoning, literally anyone with a functioning upper torso could consider themselves part of Team Poker. Once that happens, there’s no holding back on the amount of tail that will open up to the athletes on the high school chess team.
And sure, some players sweat, but that’s not a sign that poker is a sport. If it’s not due to the fact they’re coked out of their minds, their overactive glands which leak sweat as they remain stationary stands a testament to just why they aren’t an athlete (as well as symptoms to many underlying health issues sure to catch up to them very shortly in life).
Don’t tell me that since it comes in a wrapping, is a mixture of different things, and tastes good when I chew on it that my hot sausage is a lollipop. Poker takes time, practice, patience, and dedication, all things of which a successful athlete builds upon with a meticulous physical contribution. I mean sure, you can reach and find similarities, but just because my old Razor X scooter has wheels, does that mean it’s a Cadillac? Is fried dough and pizza one in the same since they’re both flattened carbfests? Stars are shining in the sky, so can I refer to them as “suns”?
Greg Raymer an athlete…think about it.
Tagged as Athletes, Buffets, Obesity, Poker, Sports
Posted in General Posts, High Stakes Poker, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | 2 Comments
Posted in General Posts, High Stakes Poker, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | 2 Comments
With what is anticipated to be a diminished and lackluster turnout at this year’s World Series of Poker (WSOP) in light of recent industry events and the absence of major sites and their seat qualifiers, it’s a “the show must go on” mentality for ESPN and their poker coverage moving forward. In fact, so much so that for the first time ever, they’re giving viewers six straight days of Main Event coverage, unedited and on a 30-minute tape delay switching back and forth between two feature tables. That’s an unprecedented 34 additional hours of hole cards and all-ins. That’s a lotttttttttt of poker.
“For the first time viewers at home will have the best seats in the house for the [WSOP], poker’s premier event. Fans will see hole cards post-flop and get an inside look at all of the strategy, angst and competition of the world’s best players vying for a seat at the most prestigious final table in the sport,” said Matthew Volk, ESPN manager of programming and acquisitions.
Lon McEachern will now be accompanied by David Tuchman in the announcing booth, some no-name pro who producers decided would give them a similarly braindead product to all their late-night poker broadcast competition. Joining McEachern and Tuchman in the booth will be a revolving door of pros, providing hand analysis. An official list has yet to be announced.
Tuchman brings to an end almost a decade of coverage with Norman Chad as the sole co-announcer to McEachern, who’s dry, self-deprecating humor grew to be a welcome voice of reason to telecasts that were rapidly growing tepid and stale. Chad will, however, resume his role as co-host during the normal season airings, beginning July 26. Will his absence during this six-day event tear apart ratings like the thread of A.J. Benza and Gabe Kaplan being pulled from the fabrics of High Stakes Poker? You’ll have 34 hours to find out for yourself.
ESPN2 air times (32 hours in total) are:
- Thursday, July 14: 3.5 hours: 8-11:30 pm PT (Footage gathered from 7:30-11 pm)
- Friday, July 15: 3.5 hours: 8-11:30 pm PT (Footage gathered from 7:30-11 pm)
- Saturday, July 16: 9 hours: 12:30-7 pm PT; 9-11:30 pm PT (Footage gathered 12-6:30 and 8:30-11 pm)
- Sunday, July 17: 4.5 hours: 7-11:30 pm PT (Footage gathered from 6:30-11 pm)
- Monday, July 18: 5.5 hours: 4-7 pm PT; 9-11:30 pm PT (Footage gathered from 3:30-6:30 pm & 8:30-11 pm)
- Tuesday, July 19: 6 hours: 9 pm to conclusion [3 am PT max] (Footage gathered from 8:30 pm until reaching November Nine)
ESPN air times (2 hours in total) are:
- Tuesday, July 19: 2 hours: 5-7 pm PT (Footage gathered from 4:30-6:30 pm)
Just why the desire for increased coverage now at one of internet poker’s lowest points is an odd investment of resources. While many pundits believe there to be an obvious correlation between the expected turnouts and recent government seizures, WSOP Executive Director Ty Stewart disagrees.
“I believe this is the year when everyone will see just how big poker has become all around the world. This is the year where people will see what a juggernaut this World Series of Poker has become. It is a testament to the fact that the WSOP is more than a poker event, it’s an experience. It’s an annual pilgrimage; it’s a chance to run with the bulls.”
The WSOP in 2010 set record numbers, with the 57 events attracting 72,966 players from 117 countries to create a total prize-pool of $187.1 million. The WSOP brass feels this year will be no different, as the defining poker tournament circuit adds two new events: a $25k No-Limit Hold’Em heads-up event and a six-handed $5k Pot-Limit Omaha.
Regardless of their faith in their product in the midst of the FBI and DOJ intervention, is this too much poker to broadcast? My problem is the lack of variety to ESPN’s coverage, as they have progressively over the years deduced all of poker down to just No-Limit Hold’em games, making a pretty little product for the Average Joe drinking cheap beers on Friday nights to relate to, admire, and consume. It’s a shame really that they market it this way because the different variants that comprise the entire WSOP are just as amazing to learn and exciting to watch. The eclectic mix of action and skillsets and the strategy contained within the separate variants is an enjoyment buffet for anyone considering themselves a poker loyalist. I don’t know about you, but I sure don’t enjoy having ESPN taking away the crab legs and steak carving station and forcing me to eat strictly from the salad bar.
Tagged as David Tuchman, ESPN, Lon McEachern, Main Event, Norman Chad, Television, World Series of Poker
Posted in Live Tournaments, Poker News, Poker Television, World Series of Poker | No Comments
Posted in Live Tournaments, Poker News, Poker Television, World Series of Poker | No Comments
For the first time ever, two of the game’s brightest minds will be divulging upon intracacies which have won them countless millions. Tom “durrr” Dwan and Patrick Antonious, two of internet poker’s brightest luminaries, will be giving one-on-one lessons for charity thanks to the initiative of Brandon Adams. Part Harvard professor, part poker professional, and now a smidgen philanthropist, Adams is success incarnate. The genius’ latest personal venture, www.expertinsight.com, makes high-speed audio-video teleconferencing technology available a site with world-reknowned virtuosos and Nobel Prize winners across a variety of fields, and is launching with the April 18th Antonius lesson. (Dwan’s comes a day later on the 19th.)
“Having Patrik and Tom available to the poker community is clearly a great resource, and I’m very curious to see what their initial hours of coaching will go for,” Adams said. “Tom is simply the most innovative mind in poker, and many of the best poker players of his (or any) generation have publicly credited him as being the leading influence in their poker development. Tom is exceptionally quick, and I think he’ll pack a lot of insight into a typical one hour session.”
“Patrik is probably the second biggest winner in poker over the last decade,” Adams continued. “At one point, he was the biggest winner in every major game type.”
A majority of the proceeds will go to benefit the Morris Jeff Community School in New Orleans, an open-access public school helping educate and instill a sense of awareness into the local youths. According to a post yesterday on Adams’ Twitter account (the only way to bid on these one-of-a-kind offers):
“new bid for @patrik_antonius. $3200. @Tom_Dwan is at $3k.”
At the price it costs some people before they even see a return on a poker deposit, these might actually be viable options.
Tagged as Brandon Adams, Charity, Coaching, Lessons, Patrik Antonious, Tom Dwan
Posted in General Posts | No Comments
Posted in General Posts | No Comments
From the 2011 Bay 101 Shooting Star tournament, we witness another fine example of “The Mouth” winning a hand graciously. He would go on to place third in the event for $369,800.
Tagged as 2011, Mike Matusow, WPT Bay 101 Shooting Star
Posted in Live Tournaments, Poker Videos, Pro Players | No Comments
Posted in Live Tournaments, Poker Videos, Pro Players | No Comments
Darvin Moon is a name that will resonate amongst poker discussion for years to come. The unassuming Maryland logger took the 2009 World Series of Poker Main Event by storm, eventually succumbing to Joe Cada heads-up, walking away with $5,182,601 for his efforts and becoming poker’s newest Cinderella story. It’s a story with a far more happy ending than one he was originally part of.
In what has become just another missing persons report in the annals of unsolved crimes, Moon was dating the victim of a mysterious disappearance and featured on Unsolved Mysteries more than two decades ago.
From the Unsolved Mysteries transcript:
“Gorman, Maryland, population 200. It was a typical workday for 19-year-old Cathy Ford. She was a waitress at her family’s restaurant, The Old Mill. Around 2 o’clock [p.m.] Cathy received a mysterious phone call and she left work early. She never returned. Paul Ferrell, a former deputy sheriff, was convicted of her kidnapping and murder.
The next day Cathy’s family and her boyfriend, Darvin Moon, organized search parties and put up posters offering a reward. During the search, Darvin Moon talked to Paul Ferrell outside the Old Mill restaurant. There was a story going around. Cathy had been seen the day before near Paul’s trailer. Darvin also told Ferrell that smoke from some unexplained source had been seen near his trailer. To Paul Ferrell, it felt like an accusation. So he decided to look around for himself. According to Ferrell, he found Cathy’s burnt out car less than 200 yards from his trailer. At that point he made a critical decision. He wouldn’t tell anyone about the car. Ferrell says that it was simply a matter of fear…
Tagged as Darvin Moon, November Nine, Unsolved Mysteries, World Series of Poker
Posted in Poker Pop Culture | No Comments
Posted in Poker Pop Culture | No Comments
Want to hire Chris Ferguson to throw cards at a banana for your birthday? How about Norman Chad to do a 30-minute stand-up act where he berates Phil Hellmuth? Maybe hire Howard Lederer to give a seminar on why he’s relevant? Perhaps Shana Hiatt to sit around and look hot and talk with you about how she was once married to a pornstar? If you have the money, the options are limitless at the All American Talent and Celebrity Network, talent agency to the stars and poker pros.
Remember poker circa 2002-2006? So does the All American Talent and Celebrity Network. Sadly, that’s all the site remembers. Dated beyond its means, you can guarantee they haven’t gotten many referrals in regards to their poker pro clients.
Some of the laughable player profile highlights include:
Cyndy Violette
“There is a very small group of names at the top of the list of the world’s top female poker players, and among the best known is Cyndy Violette.”
Chip Jett
“Chip Jett is one of the most successful players on the circuit.”
Chris Moneymaker
“Chris has since proved he is no one-hit wonder.”
Howard Lederer
“The Professor continues to succeed in tournaments.”
Johnny Hennigan
“John Hennigan, a former pool hustler from Philadelphia, is a top player who’s made it to at least one World Poker Tour final table – finishing 4th in the tournament at the Bellagio.”
Robert Varkonyi
“A successful businessman and World Champion Poker player, Robert Varkonyi is inspiration to recreational players everywhere.”
Phil Gordon
“As a top professional poker player, expert analyst, one of the world’s top instructors of poker and adventure traveler, Gordon will tell you poker as well as other aspects of life takes more than luck or playing the cards you’re dealt.”
Ted Forrest
“As the poker boom continues, we’ll most likely be seeing a lot more of Ted Forrest at the final tables of the world’s biggest tournaments.”
Shana Hiatt
“Her charm and personality fly off the screen, and her rising popularity will undoubtedly carry her further in the TV and film industries.”
Tagged as All American Talent and Celebrity Network, Poker Pro
Posted in General Posts, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | No Comments
Posted in General Posts, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | No Comments
After what could only be described as a plane crash–one which was filled with rabid rottweilers and king cobras and featured in-flight music by Nickelback–into a bubbling volcano after the multi-million dollar hole he dug for himself in 2010, Gus Hansen has encountered the ultimate case of run good. If what goes up must come down, then Hansen is living proof of the adage’s more optimistic sibling, as he has won over $1 million this week alone.
The action junkie has risen like a rocket shot at the moon from the grave that was last year, which left a number of people suspecting the Great Dane’s bankroll, walking with a limp, was put down behind the ol’ tool shed. After all was said and done, the tourney phenom’s lifetime of massive cash game hemorahging culminated with over $4 million in losses in 2010, bringing his deficit to a mind-numbing $9.3 million. He didn’t even have the money to buy a bullet and rent a gun.
Illari Sahamies, Patrick Antonius, Tom Dwan, Cole South, Phil Galfond, Scott “URnotINdanger2″ Palmer, and Phil Ivey were just some of the nosebleed luminaries that became beneficiaries to Hansen’s millions. In one epic session in the worse sense of the word, Hansen lost a staggering $3,701,913. Outside of the now infamous Isildur1 session with Brian Hastings, who took the master of swings for his largest revolution ($4.2 million), internet poker hasn’t seen somebody with the chronic propensity to lose it all as consistently as Gus. Once the poster boy of televised post-boom poker, his reckless and aggressive style of play earned him a lot of attention, which was about the only thing it earned him in the end. While he has won $8,675,464 in tourneys, massive losses both in live cash games at Bobby’s Room and online collectively negate most, if not all of his accomplishments.
Following his August 2010 session was this chat conversation with fellow pro Cole South, suggesting he had hit bottom:
GH: “Cole, can you send me some money? You’ll get them back on Tuesday”
CS: “Sorry, I wish I could. I know that you’re good for it, but I have lend out a lot of money this summer and I still haven’t got it back.”
GH: “No problem. Probably it’s just good for me”
In 2011, Hansen has blazed a path down the comeback trail, having earned $4 million so far from pot-limit Omaha and limit deuce-to-seven triple draw games. Although it may seem like he’s living at The Ritz, he’s only recooping his previous online losses. It’s also substantial to note that he started both 2009 and 2010 off to similar fantastic starts, before waking up face down and shirtless in a ditch on the side of the road come December with an earnings graph that looked like 2008′s Dow Jones.
Graph courtesy of Highstakesdb.com.
Tagged as 2011, Cole South, Gus Hansen, Losses, Profit
Posted in General Posts, High Stakes Action, Poker News, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | No Comments
Posted in General Posts, High Stakes Action, Poker News, Poker Pop Culture, Pro Players | No Comments
Zynga, the creators of the morbidly unnecessary free-to-play games FarmVille Mafia Wars and CityVille, hosted its inaugral PokerCon event over the weekend at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas. Hosted by Annie Duke and Ali Nejad, the former needing no introduction and the latter needing no place near poker, it was a massive sellout success for their Facebook Texas Hold’em Poker app.
Comically advertised as a “$100k freeroll” to the first 500 Zynga faithful to dish out the $125 entry fee, participants also received continental breakfast, a buffet lunch, poker instruction by Duke, meet and greets with celebrities of the felt (Doyle Brunson, Scotty Nguyen, Mike Sexton, David Williams, Gavin Smith, Vanessa Rousso, to name a few), a VIP party at Moon at the Palms, and a live performance by B.o.B. (I wasn’t excited about the artist until I typed his name into Wikipedia, at which point I still wasn’t excited.) For people grinding up their fake bankrolls on Facebook, the two-day event must have felt like a poor man’s World Series of Poker, especially to Aaron Alawen, the winner of the $26,000 first place prize.
Zynga was recently estimated to be worth between $7 and $9 billion, according to a report released today in The Wall Street Journal. While their games are “free” to play, the microtransactions of goods and services within them cost you money, which if the company’s worth is any indication, millions of people have too much time and money on their hands. They’ve created a way where a mainstream following can feel like they aren’t nerds for playing a game because it’s a casual experience, or in this instance, can cater to people too afraid and too stupid to deposit actual money online.
I still have a real hard time justifying why people play poker for play money, on a social networking site of all things. Once you break that real money seal, there’s no closing gambling jar; it’s a desire that needs to be refrigerated. Can you believe that there are actually users–over 38 million of them–who pay real money for tens of thousands of fake chips on Facebook? Laughable, sad, and true, an entire world awaits these people that’s just a few clicks and credit card numbers away. Instead, they choose to spend their insubstantial time playing to be the kings of nothing on Facebook, a safe haven for people already committed to squandering their lives away.
Tagged as Facebook, PokerCon, Zynga
Posted in General Posts, Las Vegas News, Live Tournaments | No Comments
Posted in General Posts, Las Vegas News, Live Tournaments | No Comments
Spoiler alert: there aren’t any.
Last week, I tuned in online for the live broadcast of some random European Poker Tour tournament (I lead an exciting life). It was essentially like looking over a balcony and watching strangers below. Within 10 minutes, I had forgotten the tab was even loaded on my browser, as the monotony of staring at the top of unfamiliar player’s heads like I was looking down upon them from Google Earth while they played at the rate of a hand being dealt every two minutes took its toll on my patience. It left me wondering: had my life really come to this?
It’s logistically impossible to televise poker live any other way than in the dark, which deduces it to an aerial view of the table and third-rate commentators who drive the play-by-play with educated (and uneducated) reads, attempts at humor, stories that go nowhere, and filling us in once cards flip over that are too small for us to see from a view which feels as if we’re on a Virgin Atlantic flight. The dealer deals, players come and go talking to their friends, and you can occasionally play “Guess What the Poker Pro is Eating.” That’s it.
I mean, poker isn’t a spectator sport. Much like Nascar, it shouldn’t be considered a sport at all. Both share the fact that things happen in circles and each is completely mindless to watch, as you can witness that something is happening before you but never quite understand why. You’re not going to find people anytime soon buying a hot dog and a beer to sit down on a Sunday afternoon to take in people playing poker because they would either be playing it themselves or doing something better with their lives. All the fun stems from being able to see what players are holding, like watching a horror movie where you’re shouting at the screen because you know what’s behind that cabin door, as the horny, hapless summer camp instructors get slaughtered by the man in the mask. You can sit back and watch the drama unfold, watch players take the game to new heights with stellar plays and reads, witness the bad beats in real-time.
A few weeks back, The Big Game came to a close, a tournament which saw Victor Ramdin beating Joe Hachem heads-up for $500,000. There is no better way for a tourney to end, with two big league pros vying for a title. There is a better way to watch it though, and as their camera crew realized, that’s with hole cards. After an hour and a half delay from the event’s completion to the airing of the broadcast on the Bicycle Casino website, the final table was aired complete with card cams. While this procedure is nothing new–the World Series of Poker scrambles to piece together the Main Event final table in similar fashion–a matter of a couple of hours added worth and legitimacy to something that, without hole cards, would have been no different than tuning into a traffic camera’s broadcast of a busy intersection online (and in my experience, far less exciting). This is the closest thing we’ll ever see to “live” cards, and unfortunately, and it will never manage to be close enough.
My point is that in its current state, televised live poker will never be more than noise in the background. It’s like a webcam but minus the fun of the nudity. There is no point to its existence and certainly no more room for it in my spare time. Has the obsession with televised poker come to a point where we need fixes in between the broadcasts that riddle late-night television to assuage our all-in DTs? My immediate answer is no, as well as my long-term one.
