In a word, horrible. Within a two episode span, High Stakes Poker Season 7 has had a falling from grace not since seen in a series after Francis Ford Coppola released The Godfather: Part III. While it was predictably going to be a bad show, nobody knew it was going to be this bad. There were a lot of things that came to mind while watching the second caboose of this train wreck derail off the mountain tracks, crack open on the jagged slopes, and the hazardous chemicals release into the small, humble village in the valley down below. Here were my top three.
1. These amateurs are horrible.
Robert Croak calls with a gutshot straight draw, sees a free turn, and the river gives him a backdoor flush whilst completing Phil Ruffin’s open-ender. If these names don’t sound familiar to you, it’s because they’re two amateurs: Croak is the inventor of SillyBandz and has fallen ass-backwards into hundreds of millions of dollars, while Ruffin is a certified Forbes billionaire and current owner of the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino.
So naturally, what happens between these two ? The guy with the jack-high straight makes a massive overbet, betting $50,000 into a $16,000 pot. What does the guy who called with nothing to hit runner runner something do? Folds his flush. Barry Greenstein helps put it in perspective for him once he announces his fold and puts the target on his chest: “It’s just another shipment of SillyBandz.”
And it’s not like their action is spread out amongst the table. It’s a murderer’s row of amateurish inability, as they’re seated in seats 5-7. Somebody forgot to tell the producers that poorly played large pots don’t equate to well-played ones. While we were treated to a $593,900 all-in pot between Antonio Esfandiari and Greenstein to close out the episode, it does little to pick the show up and dust it off.
2. David “Viffer” Peat is a disgusting looking human being.
I would rather stare at the face of an acid burn victim than be subjected to the weaselly sneering of Peat throughout another season of some other televised big game poker show. His looks of disbelief move across his face like a flabby flesh wave stemming from a tsunami of bad chromosomes. While yes, he’s a loose player and has found himself success in cash games and is apparently supposed to be this season’s catalyst for action in place of the Iveys and Dwans, his presences irks me dearly.
3. Norm MacDonald has brought his F game.
Picture MacDonald’s humor on the broadcasts as eating USDA unapproved meat: you’re basically getting a casing filled with pig testicles and horse hooves and some blood-saturated sawdust as filler. “We have the biggest pot of the season,” he says at the end of the episode. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that only two episodes have aired, but what do I know? There was also a part where it seemed like he was confused, mentioning how “the trap works” and that Peat was the “hapless victim in this one” after Bill Klein called Vanessa Selbst’s raise with kings to trap, and Peat getting the discounted price in the big blind called with 5-7, flopping J-5-5. Whether he is just uneducated or his humor is as dry as ginger ale, it’s easy to mistake his comments for one, the other, or both. His commentating seems forced, or as a user “Mike” of our boards posted, “sterile.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.
